volcanic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- perky. not I think I've been working too hard. Friday found me biting back the tears at work, as I tried to cope with a massive change of procedure that's going on right now. It's not that the new procedures are hard or difficult in any way, but rather that I'm quite a perfectionist with my paperwork. I have high standards, and I'm really proud of that: I just didn't have enough time to do it all to my idea of rightness. Heh. There was a deliberate lie in that last paragraph. Actually, I was biting back the tears all day (not to mention sneaking out to the back courtyard, which is the only place invisible on the CCTV, to smoke lots) for other reasons: I woke up that morning and found a plastic bag on the doorstep, containing everything of mine that I'd left at Arthur's. My belt, my glittery hair grips, my CDs, photos of me and Fatboy, all shoved in a plastic bag and unceremoniously dumped. Anyway, after counselling from my best friend, I decided to text him and say thankyou. A short text conversation ensued, with him saying he hadn't called in to say hello because he didn't know if he was welcome, blah blah blah. It ended with me offering my sympathy for the fact that one of his close friends died on Monday. Bleugh. The whole interaction felt messy, and it messed me up. I snivelled all the way home in my mum's car, and burst into full-on sobs and wailing as I got through the door. Fatboy looked shocked, and folded up his clothes very neatly and then did the hoovering. He's a lovely, sweet and considerate little boy. Especially seeing as I told him I was just "feeling tired, that's all". So... no more news from Arthur. I've cried on and off today, although less in the last couple of hours. My bath's running, I've got a bottle of wine and some perky class a's, and I'm going to have a jolly night in on my own, watching "The Fisher King" and praising the lord that I'm not going out with hairy, weird-smiling Robin Williams. I'll try and get back to normal next week. Love to you all, but especially those of you who're celebrating Mother's Day tomorrow. xxx 8:45 a.m. - 09.03.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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