volcanic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- nah. not this time I think I'd better explain myself a little more clearly, especially after last time. I'm not a home-wrecker or a prospective marriage-breaker. I won't deny that at the moment, the only person I fancy is not available, but I'm not about to make a concerted attempt to ensnare him. For one thing, he probably wouldn't look twice at me, despite what my colleagues say. And for another, I just couldn't do it. But I'm glad I thought about it, if only to clarify how I feel about it all. I think it's good to have strong values and principles- but I feel it's less healthy not to question them once in a while, to play devil's advocate and ask yourself: what if I did things differently for once. People and lives get stuck in ruts. Thinking patterns can fall prey to the same malady. It was a rare fit of nihilism that made me think making a move on this bloke was a real option. Whole chunks of this year so far have felt shitty and unsatisfactory, despite the fact that I fundamentally think of myself a good person. I started noticing that an awful lot of people seem to get what they want out of life without possessing a great deal of virtue or talent. I can think of countless people, famous and otherwise, who firmly believe that abstract concepts like love and honesty are far more valuable than material wealth or popularity or success- good god, whole religions have been founded on the postulation... And I started wondering whether changing my attitudes would alter my potential. I've got no doubts now that it would. I admit I was seeking cheap thrills when I was flirting with the guy at work- titillation pure and simple. But no, I'm not prepared to take it any further. Just so that's clear... 9:10 a.m. - 18.03.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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