volcanic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- one sick, sick puppy I'm more and more convinced that the biggest, nastiest and most reprehensible psychic vampire in my life right now is my job. I come home and think to myself how relaxing and cathartic it'd be to do a diary entry, and my mind turns to glop, and all I can think of to write about is rubbish. Whatever... I've been quite busy at the asylum today- I've been writing a presentation I'm giving tomorrow to the Professional Nurse Advisory Group, about risk assessment. Honestly, I'm the queen of risk assessment. I can do it standing on my head. But- giving a talk on it is a different kettle of fish. I hope I don't bore them too much. I'm kind of dreading it in a way, although I'm sure it'll be fine. Just a bit dull, really. Risk assessment is not particularly rock'n'roll, even with my florid imagination. I'm still thinking about how nice it'd be to have a nice man to take me out for dinner and stop over occasionally. I think I've had a flash of realisation that perhaps a proper grown-up relationship isn't what I need right now, but nevertheless, a little bit of recreational activity wouldn't go amiss. I need a nice chap, who's a bit older than me. Someone who's tall and chunky and clever. And not spoken for already. i was reading some old entries the other night, and was shocked to read about a trip to my counsellor, who reckoned I purposefully sabotaged all my attempts at happiness. Uh-uh. Personality disorder, moi? That's a weird one. i did think, though, that there are echoes of that in the fact that the only men I seem to be attracted to are otherwise attached, and because my moral code precludes me from doing anything about these urges, I'm thus doomed to eternal misery and loneliness. Heheh. You can tell i used to be a Goth, can't you? (About 17 years ago, I should add. When it was trendy the first time around) Stiill, I'm trying to form a mental image of my perfect man, so I can visualise him in my meditative moments, and thus hasten his appearance in my life. (You can tell I've been reading new age hippy bullshit again, can't you?). At the moment, he seems to be a somewhat disturbing combination of Penn Gillette, Robbie Coltrane and Warren Ellis. I know. I'm a sick, sick person, deep down. On the plus side, hey, I'm single!
PS- quick update- I'm listening to the most inspiring music I've heard in ages on the radio. I changed channels the other day, from my usual staid and mumsy Radio2 to the more youthful and upbeat Radio1, with the purpose of attracting more youthful and upbeat type stuff into my life. 10:14 a.m. - 22.04.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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