volcanic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- impossible princess v Blimey, it’s been ages, hasn’t it? Things here are- well- ongoing, if nothing else. I had a crisis of confidence about ten days ago: I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to be here or not. Then I went back to my old hometown for the weekend, and I wasn’t sure I particularly wanted to be there either. So that was all a mite confusing. I’m feeling happier here now, though. I do like being here, it’s just a bit odd, and a bit disorientating and a little bit isolated at times, too. Still, it’s not all bad news: I found a lovely guy who baby-sits for Fatboy while I’m at the screenings for my European Film module on a Tuesday night. This week’s were excellent: Battleship Potemkin and Un Chien Andalou . I wasn’t really sure if I was going to get on with this module, but to my surprise, I’m really loving it. Putting the films into their socio-political context was very useful. I think I could turn into a movie buff at this rate. (Just like someone else I know!) The Writer’s Art class is going well, too. This week, for the first time ever, I had to read out something that I’d written to a whole group of people. It felt like I was stripping naked at the time- and I told them that before I started- but it got easier as I went on, and I received really positive feedback from my peers. Going home was odd though. I stayed at my man’s, and Fatboy slept at my mum’s, but we ended up having to go round to mum’s lots to sort out her PC and have Sunday lunch and stuff. I don’t know- I found it all really stressful. I didn’t feel like I had enough time with that lovely man of mine or anything. In fact, even though it probably sounds really bratty, I feel like I haven’t had any decent time with him in ages. I don’t know when I’m going to see him again- although he has just bought a car, which is wonderful news because hopefully I’ll see him a bit more. But… but… I want to see him now. I really miss him- I’ve been ill with some kind of evil viral thing since Wednesday, and I would love a cuddle and a bit of niceness, because I’ve been feeling so ill and unsexy. Miraculously, although I woke up on Wednesday feeling like my throat had been cheese-grated, and my limbs felt like lead, I managed to perform with sufficient aplomb and efficiency at my job interview to get offered some bank-nursing shifts at the local hospital. This is a good thing, because I don’t know how we’d manage financially otherwise. Bah. Whatever. I can’t get excited about money- excess or lack of it. It’s just money, at the end of the day. I don’t like the way that being ill seems to dissolve all the useful brain cells in my head. I can’t think of anything to say- to anyone, not just here- I’m quite boring at the moment. I could do with a decent night out here, I think. Coming home last Sunday night was the first time I’ve ever been further than the mobile home site car park after the hours of darkness, and I don’t think walking back from my film screening counts, either. I’m in desperate need of a bit of glamour, I think. That and the rather lovely lace and polka-dot net lingerie I spotted in town last night. And someone to appreciate it all and make me feel gorgeous and desired. Yup. I think that’s what it is, actually. I just feel a bit under-appreciated. It could be a perceptual problem, in that I’m feeling so crabby and grotty and ill right now that I’m just not noticing it, or maybe I’m really not getting the adoration I need right now. God- I’m an impossible princess, sometimes, aren’t I? 8:22 p.m. - 12.10.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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