volcanic's Diaryland Diary

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as if [part deux]

Well, I owe you all big thank-yous for all the advice you gave me about this...

The situation so far is this: I haven't spoken to George- or emailed him- or IM'd him. Nothing. Why? Because I really can't be arsed. If he's sinking into victim mentality and writing me off as a typical Mad Woman (which I suspect he probably is) then he can.

Right now I feel like I deserve an apology, and the way I look at it is that if I get in touch, it looks like I'm desperate, or needy and worse still, needy and clingy. I'm none of those things. I would have walked on hot coals for him a month ago, but right now I need some unsolicited reassurance that he has (had?) an inkling of respect for me and my feelings. If I muscle in and steamroller him into either an apology or a definite split, then I'm shouldering all the responsibility while he gets absolved from it.

Am I making any sense here, or does it look like I'm too proud and hardnosed for my own good? Tellme...

Anyway, I heard from a former colleague, who George works with still, earlier on this week, and she said she'd see if she couldn't find out what he was thinking. I got this email from her earlier:

Hello Emma

Just asked George ‘casually’ if he’d be seeing you over Christmas. I’m afraid he didn’t give anything away, just said you hadn’t talked for a while but it was unlikely because he was really busy with his essay.

He didn’t really say anything else, I told him that I’d just heard from you and you’d said happy birthday but he didn’t add anything to it.

Sorry, I did try, but don’t let it spoil your Christmas.

Take care and I’ll speak to you soon.

Bye for now, love Consuela

Is that good, or is that bad? I can't tell. On the one hand, he's still not anticipating seeing me- on the other, he's not telling people that we're finished or anything.

Oh my god, WHY do I always end up with fucked up men? Why do I always seem to attract the disenchanted, the disenfranchised, the demotivated and the emotionally confused?

Thank goodness I'm off to my Mum's on Saturday for some good old-fashioned pampering, feeding and spoiling. I think I've earned it this year.

7:50 p.m. - 19.12.02

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