volcanic's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- more guff (and Mercury just went retrograde...) Bah. I'm mildly tipsy, and I probably should be in bed, but I'm not. If you're playing catch-up after the weekend, you might want to go here first, and feast upon the long whinge that is my post-Christmas post-mortem. Weird times here continue. I got another mail from George today, almost identical to the one I got yesterday, but posted from his home account, rather than his web mail account. What on earth is going on in his head, I ask myself. Does he want me to respond? Is this his way of extending some kind of olive branch, or the hand of friendship or something? Is this George's way of ineptly testing the water before he talks about the real stuff? I sure as hell can't think of an appropriate way to respond... I did start writing a reply, and I may yet send it. It's in my draft box right now, pending. I'm not wholly sure I used that in the right context, but whatever. I like the word "pending", it's got some kind of transient vibe to it which fits my state of mind tonight. I haven't a clue what to do about George. I want him back; it's as simple as that. I want him to be the person who I think of when I hear the word "boyfriend". I don't want him to be the sordid, mentioned-in-hushed-tones Ex. I'm at a loss as to why anyone could possibly treat me quite so shoddily, and I still want him back. Maybe I need lithium or something. One of my former colleagues always maintained I was rapid-cycling bi-polar. He could have a point. My old art teacher put it much nicer, though- he always told me that insightful, creative people live to an extent at the mercy of their moods, because they're that much more sensitive than other people, because they absorb everything like psychic sponges. I'm typing really fast here, it's all gushing out madly, and I'm enjoying it. I just spent ages typing out the email to George that-I-probably-won't-send, so sod the editing and the craft now, I just need to flow for a little while. I'm fuelled by lemon Hooch (£5 for 5 at the Spar) and the most stupendous winamp playlist ever: Crowded House- Four seasons in One day Dido- Hunter Duran Duran- Save a Prayer Jean Jacques Smoothie- Two people Roxy Music- In Every Dream Home a Heartache Orbital Vs Liberty X- A Little Bit Lush Traci Lords- Fallen Angel Mekon- Please Stay (Royksopp Remix) Glenn Campbell- Gentle on my Mind Sphie B Hawkins- Right Beside You Primal Scream- I'm Losing More Than I'll Ever Have Bad Company- Feel Like Makin' Love Ewan McGregor & some Italian geezer- Your Song Madonna- Nothing Really Matters (Club 69 Future Dub) U2- Unforgettable Fire Richard Ashcroft- A Song For the Lovers Lemon Jelly- In the Bath Chris Isaac- Wicked Game Kylie Minogue- Shocked Lulu & Ronan Keating- We've Got Tonight Psychedelic Furs- Love My Way St Etienne- Downey, CA Sunscreem- Perfect Motion (Leftfield Mix) Orbital- Blue Illusion Good, eh? Pretty Much sums up where my head's at right now. I wish George'd send me his playlist, so I'd know where his is at... 1:05 a.m. - 06.01.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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